Rachel Sennott's CDC-compliant guide to looking hot while haunting the streets of your hometown
What do the it-girls post when they can no longer take flash photos of themselves tonguing a dirty vodka martini in a wet-looking east village bar? All the usual go-to content is gone; pics of live performances, capital E Events, mirror selfies in bar bathrooms, and my personal favorite: a girl with a bowl of pasta, taken by the boyfriend who bought it. But the good news is art girls are art girls for a reason (creativity) and they’ve invented the new thirst trap: little zoomed-in pictures of things they see on their walk. I can’t believe I’m saying this but the girls who posted pictures of dead birds on Instagram in 2018 were ahead of their time. I’ve been taking tons of little walks myself, and I thought I’d make a list of my favorite types.
Suburban walk: I’m quarantining in Connecticut with my family (yes I’m from Connecticut and that’s not even the worst thing about me), and I’ve been indulging in multiple suburban walks. Every night I walk my parent’s neighborhood in Uggs while drinking a full bottle of wine, and it’s honestly the only time in my life where I’ve felt like I could get married. Sometimes I’ll take this walk with my sisters and then it becomes a Sofia Coppola movie.
Romantic walk: Hearing a man’s voice on the phone is like water to me in that I need it to survive. Personally I can’t fall asleep at night until a guy calls me and tells me that he loves me and would die for me. I’ve posted publicly about this and recently a lot of men (two guys) have been sending me recordings of themselves saying this. Listen here if you want to be soothed. Sometimes I take a walk and listen to these messages on loop. Sometimes I even talk to them live! Talking to a man on the phone while drinking a glass of wine and pacing your neighborhood is the new eating pasta with a guy at a restaurant.
Slutty little walk: This is sort of like a regular walk but I’m wearing shorts. Sometimes I go braless and parade my near-perfect tits around my parent’s neighborhood. Some people (my mom) will say things like “this is inappropriate” but I’m like sorry that I’m literally boosting morale.
Haunted walk: I found this creepy little nightgown in the basement (every girl’s dream) and sometimes I like to take a walk in it to these abandoned barns they have in our town while listening to Lana. If you don’t have abandoned barns where you are no worries, the nightgown is really the only part that matters.
See: Rachel Sennott’s guide to getting a Corona Boyfriend