Cher and Josh are Covid truthers, Kat and Patrick are still Facebook friends, and Genovia has UBI
Cher and Josh from Clueless
Last we saw them, Cher was a Junior in high school, Josh was a freshman in college and they were… former step-siblings. But, this was the ’90s thank god, and the internet porn boom hadn’t even started yet, so luckily the step-sibling thing wasn’t a well-known taboo. They were able to carry on stigma free!
So where are they now? In 2021, Cher and Josh are 41 and 44 respectively, they’re happily married, both lawyers, and they have two kids, Pilate (11) and Macauley (8). Obviously, they still live in Beverly Hills, Cher’s dad bought them the house next to his. They’re not Trump supporters but they are Covid truthers who have been illegally indoor dining since the pandemic started and have gone on many vacations. As Cher would say “Quarantining for a plague is so Middle Ages!”
Their 11-year-old has just discovered the ‘step-sibling Pornhub category’ and is starting to have some questions.
Kat and Patrick from 10 Things I Hate About You
Last we saw them, Kat and Patrick had reconciled after the little “Patrick only asked Kat to go to prom because he was paid to do so” incident and Kat’s overprotective dad had given her permission to go to college in New York.
So where are they now? Kat went to Sarah Lawrence College in New York, Patrick stayed in Seattle, and though they tried to do long distance initially, they ended up breaking up when she came home from Thanksgiving her freshman year. Kat is now a tenured poetry professor at NYU and has a simp husband who worships the ground she walks on with the same pair of Birkenstocks she’s been wearing for the last 15 years. Patrick, on the other hand, is a top-notch house husband to a high-powered Seattle tech girl boss CEO. Kat and Patrick haven’t seen each other in 20 years, but they’re friends on Facebook and both of them have decent politics considering they’re white Gen X-ers.
Nick and Rachel from Crazy Rich Asians
Last we saw them, Nick had finally stood up to his mother and proposed to Rachel. She accepted! Congrats girl now you have your handsome prince and a mother in law from hell. Name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait.
So where are they now? Three years later Nick and Rachel are still happily together. Netflix producers are harassing them to consider being on season 2 of Bling Empire, but that’s neither of their styles. The two fled NYC during the height of the pandemic for Nick’s place in the Hamptons, and despite Rachel’s pleas to shelter in place, the aforementioned mother in law from hell Eleanor insists they take the private jet to visit her in Singapore. Rachel feels bad about the unnecessary carbon emissions from flying private, but also doesn’t want to spread Covid. She wears a double mask and face shield the whole time she’s in Singapore despite Eleanor paying premiums for frequent rapid testing.
Sara and Hitch from Hitch
Last we saw them, Hitch and Sara had come together and reunited following Sara finding out Hitch was a “dating coach” and publishing a salacious gossip expose.
So where are they now? 16 years later Hitch and Sara are still married, they don’t have children, and they’re really just enjoying being hot, middle-aged New Yorkers. Unfortunately, Sara’s gossip column got run out of business by the Diet Pradas and Deuxmois of the world. But she wrote a New York Times bestseller about marrying a pickup artist, How I Got Hitch to Get Hitched, and fortunately, Hitch is still out there helping the few men who are willing to better themselves in pursuit of love. God bless those two.
Mia and Nicholas from Princess Diaries 2
Last we saw them, Nicholas had professed his love for Mia and Mia had been crowned Queen of Genovia.
So where are they now? Queen Mia and her hot husband are doing amazing, sweetie. Mia still rules Genovia, and because of her flawless leadership, the country is obviously Covid free. (Plus, you know, healthcare, housing, and UBI for all!) Sure, the country’s economy does rely on a little bit of exploitation of the global south, and it is, you know, a monarchy, but all in all, still better than America! Mia and Nicholas have two children and Nicholas is a wonderful stay-at-home dad. In his free time mansplains the benefits of a democratic government to Mia but usually drops it when she points out they would have to move out of the castle. Love that for them.