Scalping your eyeballs isn't a biohack, only a distraction from the root of our ills.
With access to the best plastic surgeons, nutritionists, wellness gurus, and medicine that money can buy, celebrities were always going to be the first to level up. The main instigators of any lifestyle fad, they’ve put the popularity of CBD products and blood facials into overdrive, and are now testing the waters of transhumanism.
On Monday, Grimes enlightened us with what we can only hope is a satirical hour-by-hour account of her daily workout routine, as part of her ongoing promotion as the new face of Adidas.
The Instagram caption detailed an otherworldly exercise regime that included time travel in deprivation tanks, ingesting ATP-promoting NAD+ supplements, and achieving her preferred neuroplastic goal range (“between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s”). Grimes has clearly entered another astral plane, leaving the world of wellness bloggers and their bear-shaped gummies in her sparkly rainbow dust.
But what caught the world’s attention was Grimes’ off-the-cuff comment about removing the surface layer from her eyeball: “I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression.” It should be noted that blue light is thought to contribute to sleep issues, not seasonal affective disorder. Regardless, Grimes’s fantastical biohack alludes to the very real possibility of such surgeries being utilized for both medical reasons and convenience.
Coincidentally, the artist’s own boyfriend just announced he is developing bluetooth-enabled brain implants, allowing ultimate intimacy with your iPhone.